I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize