Apparently you make a good broom.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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