Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
