I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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