I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
