Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
