My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
