Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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