you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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