When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
