If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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