Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
