Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
