Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
