xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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