apparently the secret to your success is patron
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize