I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
