Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
