Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
