Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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