is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
