Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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