i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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