I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I love you. Go after that dick
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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