hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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