allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
