grandma shit on top of the toilet
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
