We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
