i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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