just tell him i said nine months
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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