she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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