Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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