Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
