i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
