i think my tv is drunk
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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