Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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