smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
