Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It's official drugs can't kill me
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
