You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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