he looks like a really good dad on facebook
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
