plz talk dirty to me
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
