i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
This house was built for laser tag.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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