I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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