In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He did a backflip because drugs
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