Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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