Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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