pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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