I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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