Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
