Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
