Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
