No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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