How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
