just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
