My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
