i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
