I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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