not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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