hell yes lets make some ravioli
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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