I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
