i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
