You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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